Hi! I have been diagnosed with Type II Bipolar Disorder, Clinical Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and PTSD.  I have been in treatment since 1994.  Sounds like a mess doesn’t it? I’ll admit for many years there were times I thought I was crazy. There were times I thought I had two personalities, which I found out I don’t.  Some doctors have tried to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder as well. After reading about it, I believe they could be right about that too. Many of it’s symptom also fit me. 

The reason I am writing this is to say that there is hope!  I wasn’t diagnosed with Bipolar until I was nearly 45.  I am now 61.  I knew since my teen years that there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t know what.  I didn’t know back then that there was help. I didn’t know in my 30’s or 40’s there was help. Mental illness wasn’t talked about then like it is now.  I was ashamed at first, but you know what?  I talk about it freely now.  Mental Illness is no different than having heart disease, or diabetes, or kidney disease.  Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.   Your brain is just as much an organ as your heart, the organ that regulates your insulin, and your kidney.

I have accepted the fact that I have to take my “psych” meds, as I call them, for the rest of my life. Right along with my blood pressure medicine and potassium for my heart. It doesn’t make me weak.  It makes me a survivor!

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I have bipolar disorder with psychosis. It is controlled by medication, but what a lot of medication! Although I have been ill for almost twelve years I was only diagnosed as bipolar two months ago. I feel that many labels have defined my problems including posttraumatic stress disorder, postpartum depression and psychotic episodes. I often wonder if the label changes anything about the suffering.

Recently I have wondered about the psychosis. Here is a little of what it was like:

I am elated and the world is a wonderful place to be. There is a sense of magic in everything and I am at the heart of it. Places to go, people to see and decisions to be made. What clothes to wear and why? I create my own clothes with golden material and feel like an angel going about town.  I am interpreting events, yes, I am busy. I am taking notes and have even quit my job. Suddenly my family seem alien to me, they look at me strangely now and wonder about me getting a job. I have left my husband and he is waiting for me to return.  I feel rushes of emotion which I cannot control - I rip up paintings I have made and stamp on CD’s smashing them to pieces. No one can keep up with my pace…but then there is a knock at the door. My parents called the authorities and I am going to hospital.

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I have lived with bipolar disorder my entire life and I am 58 years old. I am considered treatment resistant so i, out of pocket while on disability. Iv Ketamine has proven effective for me but the treatment is much too costly for me if it requires a scheduled dose I’m screwed! Please join me in contacting every mental health organization possible, and pressing for the same treatment no matter who we are! We must or more and more of us will die by SUICIDE WITHOUT HELP THAT WORKS FOR THAT INDIVIDUAL, Medicare is included.
Most Sicerely,
Daniel in Phoenix

I was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 13 years old. By the time I reached 16, a few more labels were added to the MMD. These included borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and OCD. Fun stuff. Medication was the only treatment available at that time. My parents decided the best place for me to be was hospitalized in the mental health unit of a large teaching hospital. I felt and thought the reason for such a drastic change in my life was for their convenience, not what was best for me.

Little background, my father, a surgeon, was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder, treatment was medication. When the medication no longer controlled the symptoms, he would stop working and sit staring blankly at the television for about 3 months. At some point, my mother would notice and send him out of town for a series of ECT. He would return from his “vacation” zombie like but after a few weeks or so, would return to his baseline personality. He always had a flat affect most of the time.

So, apparently I inherited the gene or genes for mental illness of one name or another.

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I have three sons with mental illnesses. One who has schizoaffective Co occuring and PTSD disorders, My other son has paranoid schizophrenia and ADHD, my third son has severe anxiety disorder. They are ages 22, 24 and 26 and were diagnosed within the past three years. Treatment has been successful for two of my boys but my oldest struggles with staying on a treatment plan thus ending up in and out of jail. Though the legal system has been disheartening and often times infuriating, it has given me a strong passion to help those who fall victim to such hopelessness found when incarceration is considered a treatment plan. My husband and I are now in the process of starting a non-profit to help felons get the physical, emotional and spiritual support needed after incarceration in order to break the crippling cycle that leads to hopelessness.

“Successfully” Living with Bipolar Disorder, If I Can Do it, So Can You!

 I never thought I’d actually say I was “Successfully Living” with Bipolar Disorder. I’ve been on so many medications and been through cognitive behavior therapy, multiple psychiatric hospitalizations along with a long-term hospitalization as well. When I found out I had medication resistant depression and I had to have ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy) I didn’t think I’d ever become successful.

But, here I am. And, I can actually say for the first time since my diagnosis in 2003 that I am successfully living with Bipolar Disorder. Why do I say “successfully”? Because, I’d rather not consider the other options.

I work hard every day to make sure I stay stable. And, if an episode attempts to rear its ugly head, I’m on top of it. I’ve created a Coping Box that is my “go to” no matter if a mania episode or depressive episode starts. The box is filled with affirmations, prayer journals, my Bible, my Wellness Recovery Action Plan, coloring books, crayons, colored pencils, bubbles, (no one can be in a sad mood with bubbles, right?)  Gummie snacks, a list of people to call, and all sorts of spiritual books to keep me in God’s Word.

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My doctor described my diagnosis to me in this way: I’m a 78 RPM person trying to function in a 33 1/3 world. For you baby boomers, you’ll know what I mean. If you’re younger than a baby boomer and don’t understand the analogy, ask your parents to explain it to you.

When I’m manic, I’m like the energizer bunny. Always going. Creating something. Wanting something. 

Right after I got diagnosed, I jumped into crafts and started making these little wooden window seats.

I didn’t create one or two, or a few. I created dozens. And dozens. And boxes full. I obsessed over getting every single wooden window seat in the Tampa area so I could make something out of it. Then I wanted a puppy. (Thank goodness my husband saw fit to tell me no at that time) Then I jumped into soap making. I made pounds and pounds of soap. (All of this is in less than a week.)

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Hi my name is Robbi I’m a 43year-old mother of 3 at 32 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Mental illness runs in my family.   My mother and grandfather were not diagnosed So unfortunately due to lack of awareness of the disease resources and lack of proper medications at 8 I lost my mother and witnessed  her suicide . At 10 I  witnessed  the  death of my grandfather to suicide also I’m a twin. Despite my extreme trauma and my losses I continue to fight for those like me who need support resources hope love kindness caring respect…most of all stop the stigma. I do not drink nor do drugs. I have no criminal  record. I have an Associate degree as an Licenced Optician. I want to do what ever I can to help who ever I can. God has seen me thru and I feel like this organization will help me achieve those goals as well as I feel thats my purpose. It brings me great joy to give others hope. I want to become a motivational speaker like Les Brown.  With Gods help I will❤

I have struggled a majority of my life with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with the following: depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, severe generalized anxiety disorder, postpartum depression, and bipolar disorder. I stand my ground with my battles as they are constantly attacking me, but I am still here. If you or someone needs help, please do not be afraid! I have fought hard to find the right doctors and the right cocktail, do not ever give up! We are all In this battle together, nobody is alone. With love from a battler of this mental madness.  

And I knew I wasn’t right 

So I planned on going that Friday night 

And I knew I wasn’t okay

Making it the perfect place for me to stay 

See, for most, a mental hospital isn’t a choice 

It’s one of those things where you are left without a voice 

Brought there suddenly against your will

Then before you know it, you are given a bunch of random pills 

But for me, it was where I was supposed to be

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