I accepted a daily job in the assisted living facility where I live, clearing the tables of dinner trays. Some of the residents are in wheel chairs and some are labeled sit-downers due to illness. I prepare the trays, plates and cups for the dish washer by scraping the food into the garbage can. One cook speaks Spanish only, and the other cook is bilingual. I can communicate on a basic, working level with them in Spanish. I studied spanish from books and CDs which I shared with everyone one time on NAMI before.It was an important goal of mine to learn Spanish. I take medication twice a day to control my mental illness. This job is a small step to getting better.
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Living With Bipolar Disorder
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was near the age of four. At that time, I was one of the few children with such a severe case. My psychiatrist for almost a year went back and fourth diagnosing me from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I was destined to be bipolar, my moms side of her family has mental problems. I was unfortunately the only sister who ended up with this mental illness. But what really pushed it over the already mentally breaking point? When I lived with my parents from up until I was shy of 4, was the abuse and neglect. My mom would drink and abuse. Get mad over nothing and abuse. I guarantee you, we had no such thing as food. And if there was any, it was beyond expired. I remember running to my neighbors houses, just to get away. Now, I was young when I left to live with my grandparents, but I just can’t forgive or forget things. My mom came home from a bar, married to another guy while married to my dad. So my mom left, my dad decided to truck drive, and my grandparents raised my sisters and I. Yes, to this day, we live with my grandparents. I honestly, have never met such a strong woman like my grandma. My grandma is my mom. My grandma was the one who sat there while I abused her, yelled at her, spit at her… She never gave up. She was the one who sat through psychiatrist appointments and made me talk, helped me get medication, helped me slowly get better. I used to bang my head on walls and floors. Why? I didn’t feel pain. But, I didn’t want to live. I was almost hospitalized twice, have taken and experimented with tons of medication to get me better, suffered through liver damage, plus the countless blood tests. I still to this day, almost 19 years old, suffer the state of life and mind. I will forever see a psychiatrist. I will forever take medication. Just please remember. That you aren’t alone. You are worth life. I know how it feels to fight demons that are beyond your mental capacity. I know how alone you feel. I understand the tears of not understanding half the things you do. I understand what anxiety and depression is. If I get too stressed, I have a panic attack on top of a bipolar episode. Trust me, I understand. You are beautiful, never forget that.
I am 35-year-old wife and mother of four girls. They are 18, 16, 10 and 8. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I with psychotic features. I also suffer from schizophrenia, anxiety and codependency. I’ve decided to share my story in hopes that it will provide inspiration to others.
I have problems with my memory but I can recall being depressed at 9-years old. I used to experience suicidal thoughts, depression and feelings of hopelessness. I didn’t understand why I had dysfunctional, alcoholic parents and most of the time I felt like their problems were somehow my fault. As I got older I began to feel more and more hopelessness and I became desperate for someone to love me. Even if it came at the attention of a 23-year old man.
I’m ashamed to admit I got pregnant at 15 on purpose because I was desperate for love. Within 10 years I had 3 more daughters trying to fill the massive hole in my heart. All of my children have the same father and we married in 1999 but even all the love he showed and support of our family wasn’t enough to fill the whole in my heart.
The depression got worse, the mood swings became unbearable and I was bordering on the verge of a psychological breakdown. By the time I reached the age of 33 I had been arrested for filing a false police report and hospitalized 3 times for severe psychosis and schizophrenia. I was very embarrassed and ashamed of the pain I caused my family, especially my daughters.
Today I am on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anxiety medication and sleeping pills. The stigma behind mental illness runs deep and it destroys lives. If you or someone you know seems to be exhibiting “weird” behavior or talking about committing suicide please get them help as soon as possible. If it wasn’t for the love of my family and the support of my husband I honestly don’t know where I’d be today. The first step is admitting you have a problem by sharing with someone you trust. Some days I still struggle but my family gives me hope and I’m currently in a very good Christ-centered recovery program. We have to find a reason to live and for me my reason is my girls and my husband. You are not alone!
Enough Is Enough!
Enough is enough! The challenge of living with a mental illness has struck me and many members of my family, female and male, and today, I am taking a stand. I will be their voice…for anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and more. I will not walk in shame and defeat for my head is lifted to the sky. I will not let society put us in a category, define us, or mark us as “crazy” or “half cracked”. We have to address mental illness in our global society and aim to defeat it like any other illness of the body. It has no perspective race, gender, or culture and it comes to steal the joy of living on this beautiful earth.
The Trauma That’s Attached to Mental Illness
The pain that’s associated with the diagnosis of a loved one with Mental illness, such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Self Harm, Substance Abuse is and can be very stressful and depleting on the loved ones caring for the individuals with the diagnosis. I have learned from my experiences with my daughter that it takes a lot of Love, Patience and Compassion in order to be their support system which is not at all an easy task, for the simple fact that they perceive you to be against them in spite of you trying your hardest to help and support them. by the way i’ve experienced all these diagnosis with my daughter who was 17 when I began to see these behaviors began to unfold. She’s now 21 and have had many hospitalization and so many issues with staying out of trouble with the law as a result of making poor choices. The treatment options that was offered for her didn’t work because she wouldn’t participate unless she was in the hospital, so after she was released from the hospital the cycle would just repeat itself. There were times when I didn’t know where to turn for help, I felt desperate so I would search for answers and resources on websites that’s designed for mental health just to find none or ending back to starting point.
RECOVERY AND RESILIENCE
My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—
I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life. During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.
Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts. I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness. All I thought I wanted to do was die. But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.
During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors. I felt on top of world. I felt excessive amounts of energy. I had racing thoughts. I had delusions of grandeur. I’ll be honest. It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous. Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.
I’ve Exhausted All My Options
So, since 2011 my older brother has been having symptoms but has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and ADHD, in my opinion psychosis. I’ve been to mental health court with him, tried several programs and various medications. Me and mother’s last resort is always the hospitalization. He needs therapy, he hasn’t been on meds in 9 months he was fine but not he decided to get back on meds but doesn’t take all of them. He’s an alcoholic, beer consumption everyday! He always blames me and my mother if he can’t find something he lost. He has angry issues, blast loud music and in his car I’m surprised neighbors don’t call the police for noise complaints. It’s exhausting going through this all. I can’t allow my oldest brother who also in a program to come over because my other brother thinks he steals his stuff which isn’t true. I can barely sleep most of the time, I sleep over my bf house just to get a rest, on top of that I’m my mother’s caregiver she has metastatic breast cancer. The stress is unbearable. Idk what to do anymore except deal with it as I been dealing with it sadly.
My Story
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia around 22 years old. I was jailed for illness related reasons and charged. I was acquitted and given a five year program to see a doctor and be monitored. I stayed at my parents house and worked to help in every way I could, and at the same time I struggling with the illness. I suffered and worked my way through it. After completing the program I continued working but with an aim toward spirituality. I received Christ and surrendered my life. I have moved to a recovery based community with groups, therapy, and a doctor. Now about 15 years later I am living independently with their support.
My name is Gthreesongs why because I don’t really like sharing my name because of things that happened in the past. I probably suffer from bipolar disorder or depression and anxiety and maybe Schizophrenia but there is hope for people that suffer from it just have good friends and love life and your family or if something is happening where you don’t like your family chose your friends.
Our Journey with Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder
My son Chad was diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder and Schizophrenia in April of 2010. That year while he was attending school in Bellingham WA, after a very scary manic event, he was hospitalized at Fairfax in Kirkland where he was stabilized and diagnosed. Honestly assumed Chad was using some type of illegal drugs that were making him behave so strangely, I’ve been in the military (active duty or reserves) all of my adult life and have never used illegal drugs and have zero experience. From 2010-2013 Chad was able to work, drive a car and attend Community College. In November 2013 Chad had another manic event he destroyed one of my vehicles, a cell phone and purchased a one way bus ticket to Seal Beach CA with the intent of committing suicide in the city where he was born. Thankfully a bus driver called the State police in southern Oregon and Chad was taken to a hospital and stabilized in Oregon.
In early 2014 I was reading an article while my son was with his doctor about how support groups can help mentally ill people, I starting looking for a support group that my son could attend and I found NAMI. My son has an excellent doctor; I have a wonderful employer with great health insurance and have a six figure income; I believe that I’m a good parent/caregiver: educated, supportive and stable. I’ve surrounded myself with people that understand that my son is ill and his health is my priority and anyone that does not understand that is no longer a part of my life. NAMI has helped closed that little gap between the medical professionals and the tangled web that is the mental health care system in America today. My son has been attending a NAMI Seattle peer support group since 2014 and he told me once after I picked him up from a group meeting, “Daddy, I finally understand that I’m not alone, I do not feel weird and when I’m at group I feel normal.”
*Trigger Warning* Living With Schizoaffective Disorder For Over 40 Years…
Hi I’m Dave and I have struggled with Schizoaffective Disorder (a lovely combination of Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia) for over 40 years. As a child I suffered with extreme depression and manic episodes. When I was eleven I began hearing voices. I am now 52 and it’s been a long, difficult, and strange road. Over the years I have learned a few tricks that have allowed me to experience a degree of peace and serenity, sometimes. Let me tell you a little bit about this disease, the consequences it’s had on my life, and how I’ve learned to cope with it.
From what I understand hallucinations and delusions can be a little different for different people. For me, hearing voices is just like it sounds, it’s like being in a room with people around you talking. It comes and it goes in varying degrees of intensity, and it can drive you mad.
