**Trigger Warning**

Hi. I used to be really mentally ill. I have had panic attacks, the worst case of obsessive compulsive disorder, bi-polar, anxiety and depression. I have struggled with substance abuse.  I have struggled with self-harm and suicide. One year I tried to kill myself multiple times. 

Treatment:

Coping- I have learned several coping skills. They really help.

Recovery- I was inpatient at a mental hospital. It really helped.

Therapy- I usually see my therapist every other week. It really helps.

Medication- My medication really helps too.

I hate the stigma!

****POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING****

okay.. I don’t know where to start.. I’m a freshman in HIgh School, at the beginning of the year, I was diagnoised with anxiety attacks and panic disorder. I’ve been cutting since the 6th grade, I don’t eat right, I’m working out constantly, I have bipolar depression and am on medication for anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I dont even know what to do.

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I have suffered depression and anxiety most of my life but only began being prescribed medications in the last 18 yrs. After 31 different mediation trials, I have been on a medication combination now that is making a difference in my life. I feel better than I have in years and I never lost hope that this day would come. Perfect? No. Better? Yes. I knew that there was a medication out there and that someday I would find the right one. I found that I could not give up nor could I stop pursuing whatever it took to find the right meds. It is important that if you are dealing with depression and anxiety that you lean on others and or perhaps your religion at times. The struggle has been hard for me mixed with a lot of tears but to be 50 and possibly feeling “normal” is a triumph for my personal journey. There is no “magic pill” unfortunately, it takes a combination of determination, commitment, patience, therapy and the right combination of meds to feel close to free from mental illness. I finally feel valuable, confident and worthy of where I am and everyone deserves to be there. Never give up.

I’m 23 years old. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 13. I then was diagnosed with ptsd at 15. I had days where I felt normal and fine, others i struggled to even get out of bed, looking back I’d give anything to relive those years, because now I have a cocktail of mental illnesses. The panic attacks didn’t start till I was 17, I still had my life under control but since it happened while partying with a group of friends I decided to quit that lifestyle. Later on around 18 something happened, I couldn’t tell you what but all of a sudden I couldn’t leave the town without having a panic attack, I don’t know what triggered it and I don’t know why. Every time I tried to leave a rush of panic came over me, not only did my hands start feeling numb I literally thought I was going to faint or have a heart attack, it was at that point I decided leaving town is something to avoid.

I was fine. I couldn’t leave town but I could still do everything in town like long walks and hanging out in the sun. That didn’t last long I had a panic attack while walking to the store 2 blocks from my house, my legs felt like jello my heart raced and I felt lost and doomed. I ran home as fast as I could and once I got inside I had an episode of trying to rip out my hair and hurt myself, wondering what is wrong with me?!. I became an agoraphobic. I never went out but to go to my families houses, while everyone around me was having fun living there life, I was there in the corner wondering why this was happening to me. 

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My journey with mental health has not been an easy one. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2011. I was constantly having panic attacks at bight time which prevented me from sleeping. I finally decided that it was time to get the help I very much so needed. I did, and every since then I can better manage my mental health with the tools that my therapist has given me. There is light and hope even after the darkest of storms. Keep fighting ❤️

I have lived with a mental disorder for years.  I use alcohol as a means of coping and getting rid of the bad thoughts I get in my head.  I am also on medication for my condition of anxiety just so I can work and support myself.  I usually get panic attacks frequently in between being off alcohol. I have gone some time without drinking beer but then I will do it again and I have gotten a recent DWI on Feb 6, 2015 and I had my first one about 25 years ago.  I have to use a court appointed lawyer because I am working in a job that does not operate when the ground is wet from long rain periods and right now my part of Texas is storming every day.  I want help and I want to recover but no one thinks I need help.  I know what I need and I am not sure if it is bi polar or just anxiety and alcoholism.  My Grandparents and Parents on both sides had a time of drinking to excess .  It is what they did growing up to cope with their problems.  I want more than that and I want what I can have to get well.  If I need therapy I need to know where I can go in my county which is Tarrant County to get it.  I am serious about getting help.    Thank You for letting me share my Story.  

Sincerely, Randy(age 48)



I’d like to share with you guys my experiences with anxiety. I’ve had this condition since I was a little girl. I can’t really remember a time when I did not struggle with panic attacks and uncomfortable feelings. When I was younger, I had no appreciation for my condition whatsoever. I hated every second of it. I felt constrained and was being held back from things that I wanted to do but couldn’t bring myself to do them due to these attacks. I was in constant fear of when and where my next panic attack would strike. It was debilitating to me in every way possible. I questioned God almost every day, why why WHY me?? Why is this happening? Why can’t I be normal? Why do I feel like this? Am I dying? Am I an alien? WTF IS GOING ON?! I had no answers, which was extremely frustrating to me. Doctors gave me reasons, therapists gave me ways to cope, prescription pills gave me some relief, but it wasn’t enough for me. I wanted a definite answer as to why I had to deal with this and when it would go away.

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I was diagnosed with depression at 24 years old..I knew something with majorly wrong with the way I felt I knew it wasn’t a normal down mood.. Then around 28 years old is when I got the panic and anxiety disorder which for like a month I could not sleep, eat I was so sick but I didn’t know what was going on.. I have been on medication since I have been 24 years old.. One medication I am on is for anxiety and panic and I dislike the stigma that I abuse those just because they are controlled substance.. My disorder is so bad and that is scary when the Doctors do that when they threaten to take you off of stuff that is what I hate the most .I got an addiction and I am recovering but it is so hard because it made me feel better to numb everything

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My name is Suf.  I am a continuous survivor of Panic Disorder since 2010.  I encounter Panic attacks almost daily such that at one point of my struggles, I fell into the dark tunnel of Depression.  I was suicidal, feeling hopeless and helpless.

I was homebound due to my fear of stepping out of the house for quite a while which gave me massive anxieties.  That left me unemployed.  Rising from the darkness, I started writing songs of my experiences dealing with Panic Disorder and subsequently penned a book writing expressing myself to keep my sanity.  I also began to be caregiver to rescue animals to keep myself occupied.

With music, somehow, I managed to produce and recorded an album entitled “Solitude” from the songs I wrote much associated with stigmas and recently published a book also much associated with stigmas. Only GOD knows the fate of my artwork to inspire and prevent suicides.   The foreword of my book entitled “Panic Disorder - The Choice and Willpower to Survive” was contributed and written by the Speaker of Parliament of my country, Singapore.

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