I Can Do It
Ever since I was little I knew something about me was “different”. Why did I have such powerful bursts of anger? Why did I have so many mood swings? For years I had NO idea why these things were happening to me. I would cry myself to sleep at night wishing that I could have my control over myself. In high school I was diagnosed with depression. Things were still really rocky, but I kept going to therapy once a week. In college we decided that the therapy was not helping like we had hoped it would, so I was put on medication.
During my sophomore year of college I suffered from my most serious bout of depression (I had one serious bout a year). I literally lost control of my mind. Months leading up to this I felt like I was not really there. It is kind of a blur now that I think about it. This was the closest I have ever come to committing suicide. I eventually found myself in an inpatient treatment center. There they diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. They also switched my medication. I was released from the treatment center two days before I was supposed to start back to school for the Spring Semester. That semester was pretty tough because I was dealing with recovering AND trying to forget broken friendships that I had with a couple of people who could no longer accept my mental health condition.
On May 20th, 2013 I finally got what I feel is the RIGHT diagnosis. During my follow up with my psychiatrist from the treatment center, she diagnosed me with Bipolar II Disorder. I struggled with accepting this for months. Now, I am finally on my right dosage of medications and am feeling the best I have in several years. I do still have many down days, but I’m working through it. I do believe that God gave me this illness because I am supposed to make a difference in the world. I really want to help spread the word that mental disorders are NOT something to be ashamed of.

