I first began to experience symptoms of bipolar disorder in my early teens. i was put on Lithium while in a hospital and right away the almost catatonic depression I was in began to ease. From there on in, it seemed medication would be the answer to everything that was wrong with me. For years i was on every depression medication available, tricyclics, MAO inhibitors–when one stopped working, I was simply put on something else. Then things got better and I needed no medication through my twenties. i still struggled with lows, but there were no suicide attempts, I was able to live and love, to work and, for the most part, even enjoy life. Then, at the age of 29 I had a manic episode and my medication nightmare began.

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Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

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Enough is enough!  The challenge of living with a mental illness has struck me and many members of my family, female and male, and today, I am taking a stand. I will be their voice…for anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and more. I will not walk in shame and defeat for my head is lifted to the sky. I will not let society put us in a category, define us, or mark us as “crazy” or “half cracked”. We have to address mental illness in our global society and aim to defeat it like any other illness of the body. It has no perspective race, gender, or culture and it comes to steal the joy of living on this beautiful earth.

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I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

I have always struggled with mental illness. Always. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity when I was four. After being raped by my school bus driver when I was eight, I developed non-violent psychosis, including visual and audible hallucinations, and a separate personality in my mind to cope. I first became depressed and suicidal when I was twelve. I went without mental treatment until I was 24, at which time I voluntarily admitted myself to a partial hospitalization mental health program for two weeks. I was diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and got an official PTSD diagnosis. I was lucky enough to become the patient of a psychiatrist and a clinical therapist. I received counseling and medication to help maintain functionality.

But nothing was helping. I did my own research and started going to school to get my degree in Psychology, and self-diagnosed myself with Bipolar II. My psychiatrist didn’t think it was, and instead of prescribing the mood stabilizer I requested, she instead gave me an anti-depressant and an anti-psychotic. It helped some of the time, but I was still dealing with my depressive episodes and hypomania. At 27, after attempting suicide for the 12th time, I voluntarily committed myself to the in-patient mental health program at the same hospital I went for the partial visit for three days. After sitting with the psychiatrist there for several hours, going through everything in explicit detail, she agreed that I was dealing with Bipolar II instead of Depression. I was taken off the anti-psychotic and given a mood stabilizer.

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I suffer from bipolar disorder and attention deficit disorder. I have a very difficult time managing anything. I really do mean managing - in the sense of planning out and carrying through to completion. I’m ok at doing things. I’m fantastic at thinking things up or out. It is almost always that carrying through part that fails. It ruins every aspect of my life. My home is a shambles even extremely important things get lost. I need to file bankruptcy, but can’t afford it. I need to work to support myself, but I cannot no longer manage to do so without getting too sick to take care of myself or my dependents outside of work. I’m too hopeless & depressed to do much more than lay on the floor and hope to die. I need permission (and an money) to take care of my own health, my physical environment, and my son. But, how can I get it? And, why would I deserve it anyway? I’m just another mental-health-case fuck-up drain on the economy. I can’t even convince myself I deserve help so how can I adk for it from someone else?

My Story (super short version!):

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my early teens. Spent the rest of my life up until four years ago being ashamed of who I was.

But I am not my illness, my illness is not me. I don’t need nor do I want sympathy. What I need and want is help to stop the stigma of mental illness.

I’m also selfless to a fault, which is very debilitating (to say the least!).. but it is also, ironically enough, part of why I’m still alive and in the place I am today.

With that being said, I don’t ask for help a lot. I’m getting better at that though & making sure I’m asking when I truly need it - like today. I’m asking for your help.

Please help me stop the stigma once and for all. 🙏🏻❤️

 #KNOWBETTER #DOBETTER #BEBETTER #MENTALWELLNESS

Hello, I’m Phil. I’m a member of NAMI Baltimore and a Disabled U.S. Marine Corps Vet Living with Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression, P.T.S.D. and A.D.D. and I’d like to share part of my recovery story.

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Hi uy I’m 26 years old I was young when I was diagnosed with ADHD and later on with manic depression and bipolar disorder soon after was labeled as schizoaffective disorder and I’ve learned how to cope with it over the years I would to go on tell you my hole story.

I suffered from mental disorders for as long as I can remember. I am diagnosed with ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and a hormonal disorder. My panic attacks started in 1st grade. I still remember waking up or laying in bed at night then screaming in fear. I felt as if death was staring at me and going to take me, the though rushing through my head “I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I should just end it now get it over with.” Over and over again. It lasted for years all through our the rest of elementary school I had them basically every night. I developed a sleep phobia because it always happened at bed time. In 7th grade my depression hit…cutting suicidal thoughts and a few attempts.

It lasted till 10th grade, my improvement happened in 9th after a sorta suicide attempt. It was that I wanted to die but I didn’t care if I did, I knew that if I took to many pills something would happen and that point that was all I wanted. I lived my day to day life with no emotion drained of all energy. At home I layed on my bed not moving and no energy to even blink some times. I saw the point in nothing, I would cut because it told me I was alive and I was able to feel something which is all I wanted. I admit I was scared to get better I forgot what happiness felt like so it scared it. Happiness had become the unknown depression was my blanket.

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