Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

I first began to experience symptoms of bipolar disorder in my early teens. i was put on Lithium while in a hospital and right away the almost catatonic depression I was in began to ease. From there on in, it seemed medication would be the answer to everything that was wrong with me. For years i was on every depression medication available, tricyclics, MAO inhibitors–when one stopped working, I was simply put on something else. Then things got better and I needed no medication through my twenties. i still struggled with lows, but there were no suicide attempts, I was able to live and love, to work and, for the most part, even enjoy life. Then, at the age of 29 I had a manic episode and my medication nightmare began.

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I have been with my mental illness since 2004. It has been a great struggle for me, but through lots of challenges I seem to keep it together and finished school.  I suffer a dual diagnosis, bipolar disorder, ptsd, panic and anxiety attacks and substance use disorder. I been in a seven year remission. Despite all my mental challenges I’ve been through some other things also like abuse due to my mental illness. It’s been a journey but I keep strong and keep going. Ain’t no way I will let anyone break me. I’ve come too far in recovery

I am worth it!! I am in recovery, yes I have made I through and will do so every second for the rest of my miracle of a second chance at life. I am here to say. I survived sexual abuse. I have survived human trafficking. I have survived domestic violence! I am in RECOVERY from bi polar and addiction!!!!! I am a mom, wife, sister, daughter aunt and so much more!! There is hope. Recently I have become a peer to my community, I am grateful for every breath I take. I will never be cured from my past. I can only take the days and roll with them. For anyone out there who is struggling with anything that interrupts your happiness. I want to tell you that you are important and we are all here for you!
Thank you

“I’m no longer a victim, nor a Survivor, now - I’m a Thriver”
Wednesday, 26Sep2018

During my teen years (1964-1970), my mother was a practicing alcoholic and prescription drug abuser. And long story short, she horribly abused me, physically, emotionally, and even sometimes sexually. Since the onset of her illicit abuse coincided with the beginning of my puberty, it really “screwed-me-up psycho-sexually. That’s why I never was able to produce children; my “familyfamily-(ha ha)-jewels” wouldn’t work. After I was married, to the dearest sweetest most understanding women, I began my Delayed-Onset-PTSD signs and symptoms. And later borderline Gender-Identity-Disorder. There were several attempted suicides, self destructive behavior, many more. But, I had my Naval psychology classes and my Navy Drug and Alcohol Abuse Counselor training to fall back on. I was same on the aircraft carrier USS Nimitz. Later in civilian life after the worst of my PTSD days, I used my GI Bill Benefits to take college courses. Major: PreMed, minor: Psychology. If I didn’t physician get sick, I would have received my BS in psychology. Only had one year to complete.
During my PTSD days after the Navy, during beginning of my marraige, to the a wonderful sweet understanding women, I sought out one on one therapy, and group therapy, and taking the proper doctor prescribed meds… I got better…And better.
Oh, I didn’t tell you I used to be a Board member at a now defunct NAMI chapter. And my chapter paid for it, but I had training as a Peer Support Specialist. Don’t do it anymore since I became physically ill, with back issues.

Hey when i was 16 are 17 i started drawing SSI sad but the truth be told i have a mental illness an a substance abuse problem .. I was able to get on my moms disability when she got hers in 2012 i lost my mother’s benefit due to marriage i had no ideal. Ur benefits stop so any way social security started me back on SSI well now am divorced an have to apply for my fathers benefits now he passed away about 3 years ago i got medical records to show i have been in an out of at psychiatric hospital an rehab no I dont do the drugs any more an dont understand how i even got started on them i too also have been blessed with housing sec 8 i only paid 118 a mth an its so beautiful i hate living alone but am so bless just wanted to share my story with u guys am please keep me in a prayer or two on getting my fathers benefits ty

My parents divorced when I was young and it changed my whole world.  I had to become an adult quick (I now realize I chose to..I didn’t have to). My dad was a hard working single parent that had to work with second shirt. I had to live in a depressed household whom were still grieving the loss of my grandmother and brother at the time.  We had fun when we could, but my father and Aunt (expanded family situation) had to work to make ends meet We were close in our own way. The expectations of being perfect, being liked, and being a people pleaser had me depressed, exhausted, stressed and alone.

To this day I still feel that agonized feeling of why am I not good enough. However, nobody pressured me to be perfect. Nobody up my first drink at 17.  I was at a party, everyone else was doing it, I thought I could to.  This is when the monster was released. This was the first bit of freedom;  I wasn’t expected to do anything. This continued throughout college. Most people thought it was the college phase, the college life.  what they didn’t know was I was asking people over 21 almost every other day to get gallon bottles for me that I drank by myself.  I would hide them under my bed in my closet, or in suitcases. 

Around 24, the partying went away and I isolated myself. I started to drink my pain away more and more. I couldn’t figure out why people never wanted to be around me. Why I had no friends. Why the world hated me. Why did I feel so alone. Why did everything just hurt. Why did everyone bother me and why was I so angry. I hated asking these questions, it made my head spin and I would go in major panic attacks constantly. So I started drinking in isolation. And amount of drinking increased tremendously. I would drink 5 gallons of straight Takka Vodka straight roughly in 4 days; morning noon and night. 

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I grew up in a home where I was severely sexually and physically abused, as well as mentally and emotionally, by my father. I was also beat up at school every day by a gang of girls. I hated myself. I hated life. I was introduced to drugs and alcohol, as well as cigarettes, at age 14. I quickly learned to use these means as a way of attempting to cope with the abuse. 

I was also raped twice at age 15. I had  my first boyfriend shortly after, and sex quickly became a part of our relationship. When he broke up with me, I acted out sexually. I didn’t know at the time that I was suffering post traumatic stress disorder, from all of the abuse, nor did I know I had bipolar. 

I was arrested for drunk driving when I was 21. I lost my license, but I kept going out and getting drunk, and realized I could not stop. I had a couple of amazing incidents in my life that freed me from the drugs and alcohol, after 10 years of abuse! I was in recovery, at Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Survivors of Incest Anonymous. I was working hard to heal and to overcome the abuse in my life, after having a son and meeting a man I thought would be the answer to my prayers. 

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In honor of Suicide Prevention Week, I’d like to take a stand and share my own story. I think sharing it can help eliminate stigma and possibly help people become more compassionate towards others they don’t understand and also educate people so you see that not all those with mental illness are dangerous murderers.

I have have Bipolar Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder with PTSD. My mental illness appeared during puberty and that was around the time I first tried to commit suicide. I tried to commit suicide 7 or 8 times after that. It didn’t help feeling different socially as I was realizing in high school that I was gay. Having to fight those feelings and attempt to be someone I wasn’t for the sake of my family and society made my life even harder to bear. I was already suffering with depression and anxiety that literally ate me up inside.

The anxiety felt like bugs crawling on my skin and I was praying to shed it. I couldn’t escape the depression that was swallowing me alive all the while I was involved in sports and using the utmost discipline to function and continue. My mind was wrapped with thoughts of death and each day you struggle to find a reason to want to live. You don’t understand why you feel this way. You only wish for a way out. You feel alone and different and no one seems to see you. You cry alone and you find coping mechanisms to fit in daily.

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