June 3, 2014

Thank you for your interest in my recovery story. I have been in mental health treatment for the past thirty-three years. It began at age eight when I was sexually molested by a close relative. I did not tell anyone out of shame and guilt for ten years. I became anorexic immediately following the assault, which turned into bulimia, severe depression and anxiety through my teenage years. My parents would not allow hospitalization or medication because of their ignorance and the stigma involved. Suicide was constantly on my mind. My parents did allow for weekly psychotherapy treatments.

At seventeen, I suffered a major mental breakdown and was limited in my high school attendance. I disclosed facts about the abuse during therapy, but no charges were filed, once again due to the perceived stigma. At eighteen, I took myself to the psychiatrist and received my first prescription for an anti-depressant. Lack of effectiveness and side effects caused me to spend the next fifteen years trying different medicine combinations.

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My father was a drug addict, paranoid schizophrenic, dealer and hoarder.

Growing up was traumatic to say the least, I ended up moving out at age 15.

Currently I am 28, a father to be, high school teacher and martial arts instructor.

My whole life I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health concerns.

I found that the best therapy came from writing my story, first in the form of poetry then in a book. Even if you only write for your self, please do it. It will help!

I’m MERLIN.I have been dealing with mental health issues for many years, more than 25+ .I have taken all different kinds of of meds and have tried to stop taking meds more than 8 times and have ended up in the hospital.a mental health hospital can be a scary place but the people are trained and are there to assist you with your recovery.Since dealing with mental health issues over 25+ years I have decided to turn the tables on MENTAL HEALTH and train to be a PEER SUPPORT ADVOCATE.i want to help other people dealing with mental health issues and let them know that there is light at the end of the road and what they are going through is only temporary.i want to share my faith and help educate,inpire,coach and be an example to others.medication and counseling 

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I suffer from a dual diagnosis of alcoholism and depression.  I am now in recovery for alcoholism and am being treated for depression with an antidepressant and therapy to deal with life long issues.  I now work in the mental health field and am going to school to be a mental health counselor.  I very much feel that I have much to offer others who suffer from addiction and mental health issues, although honestly, some days feel I am worse off than those with whom I am working. I struggle daily with thoughts low self esteem and worthlessness and relapsing into alcohol usage!  However, I realize that this will be a daily challenge for possibly the rest of my life.  I want to encourage and inspire others who are also in recovery for addiction and mental illness to find help and support.  There is hope for you if you just take the first steps. 

Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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I was recently at a dinner with two friends, when we began discussing mental illness and mental health treatment.

All three of us have openly had periods of struggle with both depression and anxiety, but we all had very different takes on treatment, particularly in regards to antidepressants.

“I wouldn’t go on them,” said the first friend.

“I would go on them, but just until I feel better,” said the second.

My take was the opposite: I have been taking antidepressants on and off my entire life, and since deciding to take them consistently nearly three years ago, my life has turned around. I plan to be on them forever.

Conversations like this are not uncommon. When it comes to mental health issues, opinions are often polarized and strongly held.

I understand that antidepressants are not for everyone; many people are fortunate in not suffering from mental illness, and even many of those who do would prefer to have medication be their last resort.

For me, medication is a part of a more comprehensive treatment plan to avoid falling back into the throes of the major depression that I know always lingers beneath the surface of my delicately balanced equilibrium.

I remember what it feels like to be unwell.

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Is it ok to not be ok?

I have to tell myself at times that it is ok to not be ok. When the depression comes at times, instead of fighting it, I stop. Cry it out. When I get anxious, I do what I need to do to calm down. I have coping skills and my support system to help me managed my mental health. Although times are good, but the times that are not so good comes to surface. I get angry with not only others, but myself as well some times. No one understands me, but those that goes through the same thing. Only us that has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder understand each other. Opening up is not always easy as people think. Telling others that I am not ok can bring a lot of questions that we are not wanting to anxiety. Afraid to call in to work again because your anxiety is high. They’re aware of your mental anxiety, you tell them that you have been anxious because of the crowded room they put you in. Plus they add more people, and still expect you to tough it out. Is it really to be ok when its not ok? I understand shutting down, go into that comfortable place alone, and not talking about what is wrong. I promise I know that place all so well. Whether ok or not ok. It is ok! You are not alone at all. We may never meet, but we all are fighting together. We all have a voice for each other! When one can’t speak, I promise you we speak for each other! 😇😀

Recovery

Hospital stays, treatment centers, therapy galore,
Hurting so deeply into my core.
Mind in a cloud somewhere far, far away,
Thinking it’s impossible to make it another day.

Crying, crying, crying,
Dying, dying, dying.

Lost, Scared, Alone,
All I wanted was to go home.
Didn’t want to be alive,
Didn’t give a s*** if I died.

Crying, crying, crying,
Dying, dying, dying.

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