I am 42 years old and since I could remember, my mom suffered from mental illness. She has been diagnosed as Bipolar and suffers from Schizophrenia, of course I had no idea what was wrong with my mom or even if something WAS wrong with her, because I was so young and lived with it all my life. I thought this was how things were in every home. She was a single parent of four daughters (including myself) with no help from others and no one to talk to about her feelings of depression. When I was about 8 years old, I remember coming home from church and finding my mom in her room unresponsive. She had tried to commit suicide.
Me and my older sisters had no clue of what to do after she was released from the hospital. Speaking for myself, I had no idea if it was something we did as children to cause her sadness and sometimes erratic behavior. There were times when I didnt see my mother for up to two whole days and she was in the same house I was in. She would lock herself in her room for days without any reason, I just thought she was sad. My mother loved us very much and took outstanding care of us until the depression would set in. My oldest sister would then step in and take over until she was able to come out of her room.
We tried to make our mother happy and proud of us as much as we could as children, good grades in school, going to church 3 times a week and making sure we did our chores and kept the house clean. We struggled financially because after years of my mom trying to deal with her mental illness in public, she couldnt do it anymore. She began to have anxiety attacks at work and in public places. She could no longer hide her depression and cover up her anxiety around others. As I got older, her mental illness became progressively worse. She had many different doctors, who prescribed her many different medications and none of them seemed to work. They either made her totally zone out and unresponsive or it made her very erratic, doing and saying things she would never say or do.
After years of watching the roller coaster ride of medications, we finally found a doctor who not only listened to her but was able to give her a diagnoses that was more than just depression. My mom never really had any friends because along with her mental illness, she was shy. I watched my mother live a lonely, misunderstood, depressing life. Back then, anyone who did not have a medical degree, did not understand mental illness and mistook her actions for being rude, cold and antisocial. But she was lonely, embarrassed, scared and confused because no one knew or explained to her in her early years of life that she had a mental illness until she was in her late 30’s. Can you imagine her pain all those years.
Needless to say, my sisters and I have studied mental illness symptoms and diagnoses since we were in our teens to help cope with my moms illness and what we were going through as her children. Most people suffering from mental illness, are so severely misunderstood and rejected by others that it only makes their horrible situation that much worse.
I shared this experience because for many years, African-Americans sweep this issue under the rug when it comes to their family members and dont try to understand or even listen to them. I value groups like this because back in the 70’s, they did not exist.
Today, my mom still severly suffers from her mental illness but has the correct medication to help her through it and she still has her loving daughters to be there for her every step of the way. Regardless of what her mood was or how erractic her actions became, she did everything in her power to raise 4 respectful, intelligent, loving daughters, because she is a LOVING MOTHER, that suffers from mental illness.
Christine