I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder seventeen years ago because I used and abused drugs and alcohol in excess. Today I am clean and sober and I have written a book of poems that can inspire others to learn about substance abuse and having a mental Illness. My book explores the dark side of drugging and drinking but it also explores healing and recovery.
See more posts like this on Tumblr
#mental illness #mental health #inspiration #depression #substance abuse #submission #schizoaffective disorderDuring the late 1990’s I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Before this I was working full-time and attending college full-time but I was abusing marijuana and alcohol by using it to cope with the stress of doing too much. My reality would become a distorted one for me because I started hearing voices, seeing images, and I believed I could communicate with people on television. These were the symptoms i remember experiencing before my first breakdown.
I was then arrested and felt lost in a world I had never been, on, a psychiatric unit at a local hospital. This would become a place where I felt lost, disoriented, and unhappy. By the time I was hospitalized the third time I had become aware that I had been diagnosed with a mental illness. I had stopped using alcohol but I started using marijuana again.
Mental illness has been a part of my life for the past 30 years. There have been many ups and downs. There have been times I was hopeless and wanted to die. Mental illness has even consumed my life at times. Even so, mental illness does not define me. I am more than schizoaffective disorder, depression, and bipolar 2. I am not ashamed to have these disorders. But I am also more than a label. I am a unique person who happens to have a mental illness. I do, however, understand that these labels are important, since they are used in giving the doctors direction in the best treatment for me.
Having a mental illness has been the worst and best thing to happen to me. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. It has disrupted my life. It has caused much pain for me and my family. And it has moved me to the point of almost taking my own life. Yet, having a mental illness has taught me many things about myself and about life. I have learned that joy can be found in the simplest of things. Every day is a day to start over and begin again. I have seen more love and compassion from family and friends than I may have never seen otherwise. I am more capable than I would have ever imagined to stand up to the hardest of life’s challenges. Perseverance has become my friend. And faith leads to healing for mind, body, and soul.
This thing we call life throws things at us sometimes that can overwhelm us and push us to our limit. It dangles hope in front of us sometimes, only to jerk it away in an instant. And just at the moment we think we have it figured out along comes a curve ball in the form of unforeseen relapses and occasional hospitalizations. Mental illness has robbed me of many years of productivity and happiness. But it has also led me to where I am today. And that is a good place. It is a place that I never dreamed I would be. I am blessed with a wife who loves and understands me and a son who loves me unconditionally. I have a sense of purpose and a desire to help others who are living with a mental illness.
Yes, having a mental illness takes away so much from people. However, learning to live life with a mental illness can give a new sense of meaning and purpose. Finding this meaning and purpose is a process that takes time and patience. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And discovering meaning in the pain of mental illness won’t come overnight.
I believe that real meaning in life can be found in the quality, not quantity, of life that we have. Because, of the treatment I have received and the help of many caring people I am able to experience the quality of life that escaped me for many, many years. Now, I am convinced there is a purpose for my pain. My life has meaning. And, hope, is a common word in my vocabulary. There is hope. There is always hope. Mental illness does not define me. It is not who I am. It is something I am learning to live with and overcome every day. By the grace of God, my future is bright. And I am determined to shine the light of hope on others who may also be living with a mental illness.
When I was 22, a painful break up sent me into a deep clinical depression. When my family finally convinced me to go into the hospital, I could feel the branding of “mental patient” stamped on my forehead. Facing a lifetime of stigma worsened my condition.
Then in a group session someone told me that I probably had a substance abuse problem too – but in the psych ward they provided no treatment or tools for that problem. So after miraculously surviving a suicide attempt, the only thing I could do to relieve my pain was to go back to the temporary quick fix of drugs and alcohol.
However that did not go well with the antidepressants I was prescribed. I went soaring into a manic episode and my bipolar roller coaster life took off.
My ride went on for 10 years – extreme ups & downs and then having to put my life back together in between.
I had to use a ping pong treatment approach - bouncing back and forth from seeking psychiatric help to attempting sobriety. Recovery seemed impossible when it was left up to me, the impaired one, to integrate treatment.
Not only did my mind get in the way of treatment, but I didn’t know whether I qualified as an alcoholic at the time. Fortunately the only requirement for Alcoholics Anonymous was a desire to stop drinking.
I was eventually convinced that I had a kind of allergy to alcohol and drugs AND I had to stay away from friends who didn’t understand that. Some people with peanut allergies stay away from peanuts as best they can because if they came in contact – bad things happen – same with me.
I got clean & sober on in 1991 and have remained off the roller coaster in a manageable mood zone ever since. I am able to take my medication regularly and they work very well.
Today, my husband and I own and operate an IT company in Sacramento. We have been in business for the past 10 years. He is also one of the successful over-comers of mental illness and addiction and my hero. He has schizoaffective disorder which is even more complicated than my disorder, but he does remarkably well. We have been together 20 years and are very happily married with two great kids. We enjoy serving in our church and in our community.
I hope that someday when people hear about someone with serious mental illness they won’t think of shooters a schools, but about folks like us - who survived and thrive. So please spread the word
In August of 2019, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes and my doctor recommended exercise to treat it. This all started in 2005, when I was diagnosed with a postpartum mental illness and treated with medications that have known metabolic side effects. My diagnosis was later changed to Schizoaffective Disorder. Every time I’ve been taken off medication, I’ve gotten sick again, so I need the mental health medication, even though it has side effects.
My work provides the benefit of points towards a gym membership. So, I joined the gym after I learned about my diagnosis. As part of joining my gym, I had a free consultation visit with a personal trainer. At the end of the visit, we sat down, and he took out his notepad.
I first began to experience symptoms of bipolar disorder in my early teens. i was put on Lithium while in a hospital and right away the almost catatonic depression I was in began to ease. From there on in, it seemed medication would be the answer to everything that was wrong with me. For years i was on every depression medication available, tricyclics, MAO inhibitors–when one stopped working, I was simply put on something else. Then things got better and I needed no medication through my twenties. i still struggled with lows, but there were no suicide attempts, I was able to live and love, to work and, for the most part, even enjoy life. Then, at the age of 29 I had a manic episode and my medication nightmare began.
Hello my name is Amanda I have had mental illness for multiple years from manic depression, PTSD, and many other things that I am not sure what they are yet am on medications for but they are not really helping that much. I have been to the hospital many times and have lost everything plus everyone that means anything to me that I love or care about since I went to using drugs since I didn’t know how to deal with my mental illness. I hold everything in and it’s very hard for me to open up or deal with things or talk to people face to face or in group settings yet I’m currently trying to get help for that in fact today I’ve been sober for 25 days. I still need a lot of therapy and a lot of support plus need to get into some group yet was just referred to your guys website from a staff member from the treatment center that I’m at right now so I’ve been doing some research and thought that I would reach out and write a little about myself and maybe you guys could reach back out to me and help me along in my recovery.
Mental Health Awareness…. end the stigma…This is for my mother. .Jean…this is our story… My mother suffered her whole life with mental illness…I watched her ups and downs from as far back as i can remember..she was brilliant and artsy creative productive and efficient took care of everything perfectly.. we moved 10 times in 13 years because my dad wanted to keep her happy and she would decorate and remodel the houses painting wall papering and taking care of me and my sisters…. and then she would start to change and become crazed over whelmed and aggitated unable to finish all of the projects or keep up and get angry easily and scream and yell and break things and come after me verbally or with a belt and be out of control then she would slow down and crumble and crash into a deep tearful depression unable to get out of bed and take care of us kids and our home and basic necessities many times leading to hospitalization on the psyciatric ward…I remember visiting her many times in different wards ..i didn’t understand it when I was young why my mommy was like this…why she loved me and hated me…was angry and sad….
My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—
I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life. During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.
Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts. I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness. All I thought I wanted to do was die. But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.
During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors. I felt on top of world. I felt excessive amounts of energy. I had racing thoughts. I had delusions of grandeur. I’ll be honest. It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous. Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.
Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.
I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.
And I knew I wasn’t right
So I planned on going that Friday night
And I knew I wasn’t okay
Making it the perfect place for me to stay
See, for most, a mental hospital isn’t a choice
It’s one of those things where you are left without a voice
Brought there suddenly against your will
Then before you know it, you are given a bunch of random pills
But for me, it was where I was supposed to be