I have a family member I’m very close to who went through the death of his father, it went down hill after that. He had his first episode and from then on it’s been a joke, they said he had something and something else, mind you she did it in ten whole minutes. Is that a record or what??? I’m pissed off because people are not getting good help, I think he’s bipolar and depressed but what do I know, I’m only around him almost everyday. I feel like they send you home with a bunch of meds and hope to never see you again. Take time and care and just maybe people will stop taking their life’s or hurting others. If I feel this hopeless, I can’t imagine what he’s feeling.

Another year almost gone by and I am still in this made of world by someone who to me has no heart.  Another birthday just went by alone. I wonder how many more holidays, birthdays, parades, baseball games, time with my real friends will I miss.  To know I have said over and over “I am having flashbacks, I am depressed, and today I am in pain, have swelling in my breast, swelling in my joints, numbness in my arms, shoulders, back, neck, and legs, I have poor blood circulation, I fear every day I will not survive another day.  No access to doctors I need, no access to legal help. This is Florida, this is America. Hard to believe.

As a person with many mental and physical issues, I was “verbally discharged” from my primary of MANY years because of 2 comments about the place that were factual.  I was immediately “discharged” , how can this happen when I have been at this office longer than these doctors were and their own P-NP was seeing me and left without telling his patients!  Now, I cannot seem to attain any atty. because everyone is afraid of suing this person who down graded me in front of my husband and called my sister to see if she was as mad at me as I was.  How can a doctor discharge me while undergoing further testing?????????  Are they Gods???

 It’s sad how few people understand clinical depression….the not snap-out -of it- variety. Especially in today’s New Age world, where if you are not meditating, or practicing yoga and saying Namaste to everyone, wishing them peace and eternal happiness, you are an outcast.

 In my life I have lost many friends because of the way I am. Those that stayed were very special, for they understood depression and what havoc it wreaks on the soul of a person, desperate for a little bit of happiness. I have been blamed for being a “downer”; someone who was not cheery like the others, with little pleasure or ways to achieve it. As if it were my fault, my doing, my bad.

 It is enormously painful to be rejected for what is not really fixable by now in my life. I have had more psychiatrists, treatments, medications, and therapists than most people have birthdays in a lifetime. None of them could really help….maybe on a daily basis of little things, but never with the bigger picture.

  There is little tolerance in the world for the mentally ill. The invisible sickness of  depression, are the hardest to deal with. I want to scream when yet another well meaning person says “cheer up”, or quotes some eastern philosopher to make me feel like I am not trying hard enough or memorizing wonderful quotes of the great spiritualists.  I am trying as hard as I can. Just as those with more tangible illnesses fight their maladies, if not more. Its  still a form of body and mind chemistry. It is not something anyone wishes to be.

   I want to scream in rage, at those who don’t get it…no matter how often I explain it…..and when some disappear from my life. The hurt and anguish of it is only adding fuel to the fire I burn with.. It is simply a disease. It is very difficult to feel happiness..to feel joy. Yes, I have, but not often enough to please those around me. Not nearly often enough to be able to count on having some joy in the course of a day, or a week or a year.