when I was eleven years old I started to have issues with my stepdad and mom. I could not (sometimes still can’t) stand them. I used to yell at the top of my lungs, and throw things and break things. I attempted to cut myself a few times.
All I feel is numb. Its as if someone could shoot me and I wouldn’t feel a thing. It scares me though. It’s terrifies me to know that I’ve been wanting to self harm since I was 13 and haven’t had the balls to do it.
So I’ll spare you the details, but I just read this book named “All the Bright Stars” in which the main character has bipolar disorder. I’ve been depressed for about 2 years now or at least that’s what I call it but it’s not exactly depression, I don’t think. It’s like…
This is my story. When I was around 10 I was in a bike accident that I could have died from. But I didn’t. I also had a speech problem, and I had another bike accident when I was in the ninth grade which I lost my front teeth. All of that, being made fun of in high school, led to 8+ years of battling depression.
Hi, my name is Al and I’m 31 years old. I’m a pharmacy student finishing up the third year of a four year doctoral program, and I’m getting really excited about being done.
It was evident early on that there was something different about me. I was an anxious perfectionist even as early as the fourth or fifth grade. When I was in the sixth grade, those feelings started to morph into depression, and I started self-harming. It was a habit that stuck with me for almost 20 years.
After losing the love of my life & my Father in 2002. I finally released myself heart to let go and learn to love again in late ‘04, I blindly did so and was let go by this individual in early ‘06. I was truly deviated and blind sided. In addition, heartbroken, and all I wanted was the pain to stop. What came to mind was deflecting paining elsewhere if only for awhile and a cut was all that came to my mind, but the pain was so intense they became repeated cuts on my inner arm. My family didn’t understand and only believed I was trying to commit suicide.
I’ve always set high expectations for myself. In school, it’s worked out very well. I did it to fight the belief that if I weren’t smart enough, or able to contribute positively to society, then I wasn’t worthy of living. Too bad I don’t think it’ll work anymore.
Due to the social anxiety, I started caring waaay too much about what others thought of me. I’m not proud of what I’ve done/said under that fear. It was debilitating, self-destructive, and shameful. I couldn’t handle it. The closest I ever got to serious self-harm was when my mind was racing so fast I just wanted it to stop. The thought of suicide felt like a solution. Maybe the only way I got through school was with hypomania. I don’t know.
I’m getting psychoanalyzed next month. I want some answers.
To anyone suffering from depression: You are whole. You are enough. Every voice in your head is your own, ask it why it wants to tear you down so badly. That’s what’s helped me.
There is a way out. We all struggle, some more than others. Its OK to talk about it.
All of 2013 I was in darkness, I suffered from depression, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, an eating disorder , bad body-image…No one knew about this—not my friends, not my parents, nobody. I still am suffering present-day, but not as drastically. For months I tried telling my teacher, whom i trusted more than any one else, about these struggles. She would call me, after class, and asked me if anything was bothering. Every time, she would say that she sensed a sadness coming from me. I kept quiet every time. I was just too scared of what people might think. I still have not told my parents but I will soon.The main reason i do not want them to find out is because I do not want to break their hearts. They are going through a rough time right now at work and in their marriage. I can’t afford to drop the bomb on them at this point in life!
Hi! I’m a fourteen year old girl who just finished my freshman year of high school. I’m a cheerleader, softball player, programmer for the robotics team, academic team member, debater, and member of interact club. I have the highest GPA in my class, 4.86, and want to go to MIT. On the side I sing, play piano and guitar, and songwrite. More than anything I wanna be a country singer. I’m average height, average weight, with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a love for old softball jerseys and men’s athletic shorts. From the outside it seems like nothing’s wrong. I look and act like a normal high schooler when people are watching. The problem is when people aren’t watching.
I’ve had a tense relationship, to say the least, with my mom. Since age five, nothing I’ve done has been good enough for her. By age ten, it was becoming more and more apparent, and, finally, when I was thirteen and wanted to join cheerleading, she exploded.
“You’re too fat, not coordinated enough, not pretty enough, and not popular. You’re doing this for the wrong reasons. They won’t like you. No one does. You’re going to fail at this. You’re stupid for even trying.”
Thanks for the encouragement, Mom. I really needed her to yell at me for over twenty minutes, in public, about how I wasn’t good enough for cheerleading. Since then, she’s gotten worse, and now she’ll yell at me about anything. The worst part is, she’s in a position of power over me, so I can’t do anything about it. Since age five, I’ve known that I have never been and will never be good enough for anyone.
I am 21 years old with two children and a loving husband. My life was never this great. I can remember growing up with this problem that something was wrong and i was too young to understand it. As I got old I had to get help for it because I could see it was killing me. I was 15 when I first hurt myself because of what I have. it took me almost 5 years to finally find out what was wrong with me. I know take medication that helps a little, but with the help of my husband and help from my doctor I know that one day I will beat this and fix me. I know that you can do it to.
